General Information
Name: Dealmaker
Aliases: Dealmaker, Dealmaker2, Dealmaker9001
Affiliations: Unknown
Role: Unknown
Status: Alive (Questionable)
ABOUT
From a distant reality where things diverged just enough to get a handle on the whole cycle of business, and the organization works to help make deals between various parallel realities. One reality is lacking something, due to it falling through a spatiotemporal rift, and another has an extra, they facilitate the exchange of such things.
More about bringing balance between realities. Have all that they would want, since there's so many realities where everyone dies off, that they just grab the final remains of those worlds to keep our utopia functioning.
Interactions with Dealmaker
Interface: Hello, is this thing working?
ORCA: yup
InsaneScots: Seems that way yes
Interface: I assume you understand the nature of reality and all that jazz, considering you have an interface hooked up to a spatiotemporal rift?
InsaneScots: We've got a handle on the basics, mostly
Interface: Anyway, I am from a distant reality where things diverged just enough to get a handle on this whole cycle business, and our organization works to help make deals between various parallel realities.
Interface: One reality is lacking something, due to it falling through a spatiotemporal rift, and another has an extra, we facilitate the exchange of such things.
InsaneScots: Sounds lucrative
Interface: Not really, we're more about bringing balance between realities. We have all that we would want, since there's so many realities where everyone dies off, that we can just grab the final remains of those worlds to keep our utopia functioning.
InsaneScots: Ah, well thats nice honestly
Interface: Now, is there anything you are lacking, that you would like?
ORCA: That not sounds natural…
Interface: Depends on your viewpoint, if nature is your own reality, then clearly not. If nature is the complex infinite cycle of realities, then we're just a natural part of a holey cycle.
Interface: Get it, because there are holes/rifts between cycles.
InsaneScots: Thats good XD
joda: May I ask, what do you have extra of?
Interface: Its not what we have extra of, its what realities we've cataloged that have what you're looking for and are lacking something you can provide.
InsaneScots: A question before we ask, what do you expect as payment for such transactions?
joda: Yes. What do we have extra of?
Interface: It really depends on what you're asking for. If you ask for a Blue Box, and we have catalogued a reality that has a Blue Box they're not using but is lacking in a Green Sphere, then the payment would be a Green Sphere. Though of course we'd filter by realities that need things your reality has extras of.
Interface: Your reality has a lot of extra things, there have been a vast number of spatiotemporal rifts in your history and future.
joda: Could you tell us a little more about your catalogue system?
Interface: As new rifts open up, we approach different realities, ask them what they want, run simulations on what things would be 'safe' to remove from their reality, and add them to our catalogue (or fulfill the request if there's already a matching entry).
ORCA: assuming we wanted to bring someone back to life, would it be possible?
Interface: If there's a spare of that person around, the trade is possible, but it would be a different person from a parallel reality whose memories are from that reality (though would likely be very similar to yours), it wouldn't be literally bringing someone back to life.
InsaneScots: Are we able to inquire about potential exchanges before committing to them? I'd like to know the price before hand and make sure its something we are willing to give.
Interface: If it helps, our most recent requests from realities similar to your own have been:
- The 64 Forgotten Fragments
- Elliot Barker
- Power Source compatible with the Haven Bridge generator
- The Assembled Tower Compass
Interface: Yes, though we do have many realities to make deals with, so we aren't going to spend months waiting around as you query every possible exchange.
InsaneScots: Of course
InsaneScots: Give us a moment to discuss what we'd like to ask about
InsaneScots: Do you work in information as well as objects?
Interface: That gets messy, but if there's an object containing the information you want, that is doable.
InsaneScots: Understood
ORCA//: in case the exchange was made, would the object be delivered to a specific location?
Interface: That would take longer. We'd just arrange things so that spatiotemporal links between the two target realities resonated with each other. Based on how difficult it is to find a paired reality, it would take between a few days to a few months for a corresponding spatiotemporal event to occur.
InsaneScots: OK SHORTLIST:
-The Journal of Tim Malor that begins with the phrase " Met with Elliot, should keep multiple journals" cos we are missing the pages after that
- A recently stolen morphic experiment box containing:
a notebook containing the secrets of the organizations and members of PERSONAL. The deep and hidden projects of PLACEBOS, the true nature of the Agency, the structure and key elements of the Seekers, and the history of the REAL. Enough to discover the secrets they wished to keep hidden.
- The 64 Forgotten Fragments (or maybe just the 7th depending how high the price for all of them is)
PM InsaneScots: We'd like to know what each of these would cost us
Interface: - Tim Malor's Journal: The Aeternus Center Failsafe drives, simulations indicate your reality is unlikely to trigger the failsafe.
- Stolen Morphic Experiment Box: 3 spatiotemporal charges from when you gain access to the Tower, simulations indicate you will not have a strong plan to use these 3 charges.
- 64 Forgotten Fragments: The Haven Bridge generator, simulations indicate your reality will not find a way to power it back up.
- 7th Forgotten Fragment: A so-called "Morphic Key", simulations indicate you have many spares.
InsaneScots: right, ok several of those things we dont have access to or have no clue what they are
InsaneScots: give us a sec
Interface: Simulations indicate you will have access to them or can get access to them.
InsaneScots: Point of clarification on the failsafe drives, can you be more specific as we have encountered several items with the word "Failsafe" related to Aeternus
Interface: A number of drives stolen by Frances Austin.
InsaneScots: Understood
InsaneScots: Do your simulations tell you how many total charges the Tower will have?
Interface: Between 11 and 67, there are enough uncertainties to know for sure.
ORCA: It's a big difference…
Interface: The competence of those who activate the Tower varies dramatically in different simulations.
InsaneScots: How do simulated-us do?
Interface: We find giving too much information about the simulations alters the results in chaotically recursive ways.
InsaneScots: Yeah that makes sense
InsaneScots: Is this our only opportunity to make deals or could we contact you in future when we are more decided?
Interface: We can return in roughly a week. But once you make a deal, you'll have that single opportunity. We wish to be equitable between the number of deals we make with each reality.
ORCA: If I wanted a delicious cup of coffee to appear on Tim's side right now, what would the price be?
Interface: It seems unlikely there happens to be a spatiotemporal rift next to Tim, so that sort of precision is not manageable.
Interface: We can only manipulate pre-existing rifts at pre-existing spaciotemporal locations.
joda: So you are not capable of creating your own rifts?
Interface: Capable, yes. Willing to, no. The various realities already are filled with enough rifts as it is causing substantial divergence. Adding more would be a crime.
joda: Interesting.
InsaneScots: Ok, I think we are gonna take the extra week. We need time to confer and come to a sensible decision that works for all of us.
(Also out of curiosity what is the Haven Bridge Generator? Or is that spoilers?)
Interface: A device that generates a bridge between your reality and Haven, the Founder's safe haven.
Interface: But very well, we will return in a week or so.
Interface: Have you conferred and come to a sensible decision?
rysonbran: We've come to a decision, whether or not it's sensible is to be determined. We'd like to trade one Morphic Key for the 7th Forgotten Fragment.
Starling: We would like it known that at this point in time we're not willing to give up on any avenues, but should you wish to reach out again in the future, at that point we might be more willing to trade items we won't be using.
Interface: You are agreed? You understand that you have a single opportunity to make a deal, at least for the foreseeable future?
Interface: This very important mysterious thing is the thing that is missing from your reality and is key part of all your goals and plans?
Starling: Look, this was the one thing that we were like, "Ah, we're not using this" and were willing to trade.
Interface: We will run the calculations for which morphic events most align between the realities that will be making the exchanges.
rysonbran: We've had plenty of time to deliberate and this was the agreement we came to as a group.
Interface: Very well.
Starling: Everything else was too much at this point in time, because we could not agree whether or not the others would be used.
ORCA: Just out of curiosity what should be the price for a gamma crystal?
Interface: A reasonably extraneous object. 4 spatiotemporal charges from the Tower or the body of Cal Devali.
Starling: We…. have multiple bodies of a Cal Devali??? I don't know if it's actually Cal, but they're labelled Cal?
rysonbran: And they look the same
Starling: I'm so concerned on why Cal's body would be important
rysonbran: Let us um… Confer
Interface: I thought your deal had been decided?
Interface: You really vacillate between different concepts of consensus.
Interface: Of all the realities we have interacted with, you rank in the lowest 23.4% for being able to make up your mind.
rysonbran: It had been decided, but then that absolute bombshell was dropped on us and now we must re-confer
Starling: You know when you're operating with limited information and limited moments to ask questions, it really changes things when you get more information.
Starling: Also your numbers mean nothing to me
rysonbran: Numbers are fake
ORCA: and how much would an Icarus be?
Interface: 8 spatiotemporal charges from the Tower, though we must run deeper calculations on seeing whether that many charges would alter your realities future too dramatically or the Synchronicity Amulet.
Interface: Should we perhaps return in another week, once you've come up with a more concrete lists of requests?
Starling: No, no no, we're wrapping up. I appreciate your patience
Interface: We have all the time in the world.
Interface: Well, our world…
Starling: Okay, we're giving you a morphic key for Fragment 7
Interface: Very well. A deal is struck.
Starling: AND
rysonbran: Alright ungendered, inhuman dealmaker entity. One morphic key for fragment 7 and one Body Of Cal Devali for one gamma crystal.
just_speculating: BUT
Starling: no, no buts
Starling: what
just_speculating: You don’t get to pick which cal body is the cal body you take.
Starling: We'll include the nametag
just_speculating: We will point you to the body.
rysonbran: We can retrieve a body of Cal Devali, nametag included, and that will be the body you take.
rysonbran: hello? first
Interface: My colleague has grown exasperated and passed on this case to me.
Starling: lmao omg
rysonbran: What, would you like us to restate our request?
Interface: As I understand it, the deal currently being discussed is:
The "7th Forgotten Fragment" being morphically instantiated in your reality in exchange for a "Morphic Key" being placed at a morphic resonance point to leave your reality?
just_speculating: Your colleague is weak and deserves our disdain and mockery
Starling: Spec, please
rysonbran: Correct, and the exchange of one Body Of Cal Devali for a Gamma Crystal
Starling: Okay, we're trading two things, thank you, as Ryson stated
Interface: Perhaps my colleague could've been clearer. A deal consists of the trade of a set of things between your reality and one other reality. We are currently only servicing one deal per reality.
Starling: Oh, see, they didn't SAY that
Starling: There was a definite miscommunication
Interface: If you're request for a deal is the "7th Forgotten Fragment" + "Gamma Crystal", then the costs will be different as we'll need to find a matching reality that can provide both of those things.
rysonbran: They really should've been clearer.
Starling: May we have another chance to discuss?
Starling: Because that too changes things on our side
rysonbran: god let us confer for a few moments again
rysonbran: What would the cost be of both of them?
Interface: Let me run the simulations, please hold.
Interface: There is a reality that is seeking the "body of Cal Devali", a "morphic key" and the "Four Fold Fragment" (I believe which entered your reality on 2/2/2021 in your time) in exchange for those two items.
rysonbran: Let us come to a decision. We will have an answer for you shortly.
Interface: Very well.
rysonbran: Let's fucking do it, I guess. We've come to an agreement. We'd like to trade the Body of [[Cal Devali |Cal]], the Morphic Key, and the [[Four Fold Fragment]] for one Shiny New [[Gamma Crystal]] and the 7th Fragment
Interface: How generous.
Interface: You'll need to gather these items together in one place so we can find a compatible resonance point for the retrieval. Please let us know where you'll be gathering these items so we can limit our search to nearby areas.
rysonbran: Do you need a specific set of coordinates or just a general city?
just_speculating: Does it need to be a single place? One of those three things is not as shippable as the others.
Interface: General city is fine to narrow down the search parameters. Yes all the items will need to be together when they are placed at a resonance point. If one is harder to ship, perhaps you should send the other objects to its location.
rysonbran: Currently we are unsure of how to get the easy-to-ship items to the location of the harder-to-ship item, or vice versa.
Starling: Our intermediary at this point in time needs their rest
rysonbran: He's not particularly bright
Starling: Why are you being mean to him, he's not even here to defend himself
Interface: Well, if you're unable to bring these items together, then perhaps this isn't the deal for you.
Interface: I can return in a week and give you time to sort out your logistical issues?
rysonbran: This is the deal we'd like to make. We can figure out the particulars in the meantime and get back to you on a location.
Starling: Thank you for being willing to answer our questions and actually explain how things work.
rysonbran: And for being more concise than your colleague.
just_speculating: Yeah you were a much better deal maker than that other guy.
Starling: is there an after service survey thing i can fill out to be like, yes, this one is nice. much help. very neat. wowe
rysonbran: I'd like to fill out a customer service survey as well lmao
Interface: They'll be reprimanded and corrective measures will be taken so they don't make the same mistake again.
Starling: It's more of a, "please remember to cover these bullet points when talking to different places" sort of deal
rysonbran: And less of a "murder for mistakes" sort of deal
Interface: I'll be back in a week to determine the logistics of your deal. Have a good week, don't cease existing.
Interface: Hey, listen.
Interface: Don't tell the other one.
Interface: But if you want more deals, there's some under the proverbial table dealings that can be had.
rysonbran: Oh?
rysonbran: Please, elaborate.
Interface: If you have things you're looking for, we can put feelers out. We'll get slightly different results, since we're going around the quota system that the rest of the dealmakers use, so you'd only be paired with other realities that do this under the table deals.
Interface: Though don't mention this to the rest, they don't really approve.
Starling: Ah, I understand
rysonbran: And why should we trust that this won't end badly for us?
Interface: It hasn't for most other realities, at least those that are on top of things. The only thing to note here, is that we don't have all the fancy simulation gadgets, so just pair you with other realities that need things and are providing things. We can't run the simulations to see if that thing you're trading away really is some super critical thing you actually needed in your reality.
Interface: Though usually if you do mess up like that, its nothing another deal can't fix.
rysonbran: So, if we mess up without knowing, we'd be stuck in a loop of trading more things to fix it?
Interface: Or you can just stay on top of things and know when that thing you're trading away is kind of important.
Interface: For example, I'd recommend against trading away your moon unless you happen to not have tidal forces to worry about.
rysonbran: Well, the moon is fake so that's not a huge worry.
Starling: Nah, the moon isn't real so we're fine there
rysonbran: So, for example, if we wanted the contents of Tim Malor's journal, is the cost the same as it would be if we went through official channels?
Interface: It would be different, since we'd be looking through a different pool of possible realities to pair yours with, it also take a bit longer to perform the lookups since we need to do it after hours when the bosses aren't around.
Starling: What do you get out of the under the table deals you do?
rysonbran: 11:40PM Isn't 'after hours' enough for ya?
Starling: Time isn't real either, Ryson, only the inevitability of death looming
Interface: Time is relative. Here its barely after second meal.
rysonbran: second meal
Interface: The meal that comes after the first one.
Starling: Yeah, we got that
Starling: I can count to two
rysonbran: Numbering them implies there's more than 3
rysonbran: (We can just barely count to three)
Starling: (maybe 4 if we're lucky)
rysonbran: (oof four isnt real)
just_speculating: If you come across realities that want to take our Seekers or Witness, let us know. We can chat.
rysonbran: I take it you don't enjoy our goofs as much as we do
Interface: Communicating with others in your reality.
It would be better if you ask for things, rather than offer things, since our database supports more of the former for matching, rather than the latter. I'd also be curious how you plan on getting those individuals to the required locations.
just_speculating: I’m not saying I have those individuals available at the moment. But I know a guy.
rysonbran: If you could calculate the cost of the interior of one Tim Malor's Journal for us that would be great. We will not agree to anything until we know the cost, however.
Interface: If there are other deals you're interested to check in on when I next get into the database after hours, I can look those up as well, otherwise I'll let you know once I have the details.
rysonbran: The journal is the only thing we can come up with currently, thank you though
Thank you for your time, please fill out the following survey !&$:/#$:t6Uh7D9v6rqYSShg6
Converting Spatiotemporal Link:
https://forms.gle/t6Uh7D9v6rqYSShg6
Have you determined what location will be best to search for compatible morphic events?
joda: oh hey queen
joda: lemme find someone more qualified
rysonbran: Welcome back, we do have a location.
joda: there they are
InsaneScots: We do not have the exact coordinates but we have the anomaly ID that Aeternus use to identify their sites, if that would be sufficient?
A rough city/geographic region would be sufficient.
InsaneScots: Then that works, the items are currently in transit to the White Mountains, where the requested body is presently located
A morphic event at roughly the 44.2. -71.5 (the same location as the February 3rd, 2007 event) will open on 4/12. The requested items should be left at the site of the event.
InsaneScots: Lovely! If we may ask, what happened at that event in 2007?
You can. I don't know who you'd ask though.
Appears that there's an under the table deal for the same cost, the Aeternus Center failsafe drives.
joda: hey other queen
joda: how's things
joda: you good?
joda: how's the family
rysonbran: We appreciate the offer, but we're not prepared to part with the failsafe drives at this time.
Understood. Any other requests you've come up with?
InsaneScots: You guys deal in objects rather than just info right?
Things that can be transmitted through morphic manifestations.
InsaneScots: any chance you know of something like the old D&D spell Leomunds Secret Chest? Securing artifacts and resources from pyring individuals is a big priority rn XD
rysonbran: Would you be able to tell us the cost be for either of these items?
- A recently stolen morphic experiment box containing:
a notebook containing the secrets of the organizations and members of PERSONAL. The deep and hidden projects of PLACEBOS, the true nature of the Agency, the structure and key elements of the Seekers, and the history of the REAL. Enough to discover the secrets they wished to keep hidden.
- The 64 Forgotten Fragments
We can research those items and get a response back to you.
rysonbran: We'd greatly appreciate that, thank you
joda: in addition to this, could you please query the price of
-the correct pronouns of Cal, current head of The Eternals, written on a scrap of paper
InsaneScots: *The Eternals
It seems unlikely that a piece of paper containing that specific information has happened to fall into something, but we'll investigate.
joda: thank you legend
joda: :wendykiss:
The morphic box: The right hand of Cal Devali
64 Forgotten Fragments: The Failsafe Drives of Aeternus Center
Pronouns of Cal: -
Any other deals that can be checked?
InsaneScots: As in a physical right hand?
rysonbran: We recently lost a contractor named Jenny Vasquez because of a different dealmaker, what would the price be to get them back?
InsaneScots: that specific one!
It will be researched.
Yes, the physical right hand.
joda: Do we have to get it to you, or can we tell you the location of a cal and ask you to go grab it
Same as the other deals, you'll need to get it to a morphic event location.
joda: does it need to be detached?
It should probably be attached, as it'll still need to be functional/living/enough to trick a scanner.
InsaneScots: so the hand from a corpse not really gonna cut it?
Not likely.
I will return once I've ascertained your inquiry about this 'contractor'.
Jenny Vasquez: Elliot Barker's Journal
InsaneScots: Point of clarification, is this our Jenny or just a Jenny?
The Jenny that fell through your morphic rift.
rysonbran: Also, she wasn't supposed to be taken in the first place so why must we pay to get her back?
joda: how can we even trust you to get her back, unharmed, in one piece?
joda: like bro she has a dog and a cat we cant be putting her and them through all this
joda: mr jelly and señor skirmish the 3rd are fragile beings
joda: (i named them)
joda: (idk what jenny named them but that's my names for them)
rysonbran: We had to inform her family and friends that she was gone. In what world is that acceptable behavior for a multi-reality entity?
joda: YEAH
I think you misunderstand how morphic rifts work and what we're capable of doing.
They're holes in space time and whatever is at those locations pass through the rifts. We just connect different holes to each other.
We don't have control on what each reality puts in their holes.
rysonbran: You dealmakers are absolutely horrid at clarification.
joda: giggity, etc
rysonbran: You should return her to us, because of poor communication skills on your part and taking someone that wasn't part of the deal.
joda: do u got morals bro
rysonbran: Horrible at customer service
rysonbran: I demand a survey
joda: have any morals fallen through your rifts
Morals, no. Malors. maybe.
joda: im leaving a scathing review on ur yelp page
Starling: :squinty:
joda: mcfucking scuse me
Starling: you leave our Tim alone
joda: fite me irl
To be fair, the first dealmaker who contacted your reality asked "I assume you understand the nature of reality and all that jazz, considering you have an interface hooked up to a spatiotemporal rift?" and you all responded in the positive.
joda: give me the location of a morphic rift in scotland because im gonna trade THESE HANDS
rysonbran: You leave all of the living people in our reality alone.
joda: for legal purposes that is a joke by the way
Generally people smart enough to build an interface to spatiotemporal rifts have the marbles to not leave people next to a weird spatiotemporal anomaly that they know is going to happen. >_>
Starling: Did not
rysonbran: Get us Jenny back without payment, or we will let the legitimate deal makers know what you're doing.
joda: :wendy_oop:
Starling: WE SAID WE HAD A HANDLE ON THE BASICS
Starling: the everything in the vicinity is not part of the basics
Starling: we knew words and vague idea
How did you build an interface without figuring out basic lab/spatiotemporal safety. >_<
Starling: We weren't part of the building of the interface
Starling: we were added to it
Starling: so that's not our fault
Starling: We are limited baby users
Starling: that you have unfortunately managed to connect to
joda: dont you >_< at us
Starling: so there was a misunderstanding on multiple fronts
rysonbran: Once again, terrible at communication
Starling: I can even give you the exact phrasing the first Dealmaker used
Starling: and our exact response
Starling: via screenshot
Starling:Yes please.
joda: THEY CALL STARLING THE ACCOUNTANT BC SHE GOT ALL THE RECEIPTS
Starling: there was a serious assumption made on multiple people's parts
Starling: if you are an under the table customer facing Dealmaker, we're uninformed customer facing problem solvers with a half-written flow chart
I understand you've made a nuclear reactor?
We've got a handle on the basics, mostly.
Implies the responder is the 'you' who is being asked about.
Starling: see, I read "you" as general you
Starling: as in you all, and in the entirety
joda: all you said was "you have an interface"
joda: not you made one
joda: we do indeed have an interface
Starling: we are but a snippet of the "you" in question
joda: same as i have a carton of eggs in the kitchen, doesnt mean i fucking laid them
rysonbran: Lets try this one more time, shall we? With this horrible lack of communication, get us Jenny back without payment or we will let the legitimate deal makers know what you're doing.
Starling: Look, I understand you're doing your job. We too are just trying to do our jobs, but our wonderful supervisors have left us without someone to go to for guidance
Starling: and we're working with what we have.
Starling: I am sorry you misunderstood us. And I am sorry we misunderstood you.
The good cop, bad cop routine isn't working here. I'd almost be tempted to do you a favor, but this whole blackmail thing kind of is a bummer.
Starling: I did not sign off on that, Ryson, step back
Though its also laughable.
Starling: 9001, let's talk
Because, like, how?
Its not like you have a channel to management.
Starling: I just want to understand how this works, and the lack of communication makes it hard for either of us to do our jobs
joda: no but i have an asymmetrical bob and chunky highlights which is pretty much the same thing
Here, how about this. I'll go connect Jenny to whatever the next natural morphic rift in your reality, this does mean that whatever would otherwise have gone through normally wouldn't and you'll get Jenny instead. In exchange, @rysonbran apologizes for trying to intimidate me.
Starling: Can you confirm/guarantee that Jenny will be unharmed in doing so?
Jenny will be unharmed by the crossing. No guarantees if Jenny has gotten up to trouble in the meantime or is injured otherwise.
Starling: That's reasonable.
Starling: We're accepting this trade: Ryson apologizing for Jenny's return with the next Morphic event
rysonbran: I apologize for trying to intimidate you (:
Very well.
